SwimSwam Commenters Chastise Chuck’s Blogs

Charles Hartley, a free-lance writer based in New Jersey, has written more than a thousand published sports articles. He earned Master’s degrees in Business Administration and Journalism. In addition, he was awarded his Bachelor’s degree from Wake Forest University where he majored in English and Communications.

You’re an idiot. You can’t write. You don’t make any sense. Stop doing this. This is roadkill. You’re wasting my time. Who are you? Where did you come from? Do some research. You’re an imposter, a fraud, and parasite. Go away. Just stop. Please stop.

More or less, this is what you commenters have been saying about my blogs, dissertations, and naval examinations published on Swimswam during the past month.

In most cases their criticisms are warranted and incisive though sometimes insensitive.

What became clear as I studied these comments is that comments can be clustered into discrete categories. There are those who say my blogs are pointless and/or weird. Others psychoanalyze me.

Then there are the purists who say what I do isn’t journalism and my writing is childish and poor, my tone quizzical and annoying. Others are counselors to the other commenters, giving them the scoop on what damage my blogs are really intended to inflict rather than the mere words on the page.

Let’s wade through several examples within each of these categories.

Pointless

Samuel Huntington wrote: “These Charles Hartley articles are pointless.”

Angry

Onehandtouch fell into the angry and blunt cluster. “Please stop posting things like this.”

Attila the Hunt sounded agitated. “I had a feeling it was him (meaning me), but I clicked anyway. Ugh.” He seemed to feel he got suckered into reading my blog against his will. Be careful who you click for, Attila.

SwimDad turned his anger inward. “I can’t believe I read and commented on such a dumb article.”

Psychoanalyst

There were several commenters who seemed to want to get inside my head. Let me know if you figure it out – I’d like to know. “This is an internal monologue after 8 pints and half a joint,” wrote Vespino. Attila piled on: “Oh puhleaaseee…Even I can write better than this crap after 8 pints and a joint.”

Gaglianone’s Boot had a slightly different, more self-centered take: “Someone confiscate Chuck’s stash and send it my way.” Sean stayed with the drug theme: “Gonna have to ask the author to submit both a blood and urine sample.” “Seriously, what is this guy on?,” Uberfan wrote.

I’m on my PC, Uberban, typing up your comment on one of my blogs posted during the Summer Olympics. I am also on Earth, just like you. On a Sunday.

Bizarre

There were several readers who seemed to have a visceral feeling there was something about my blog that didn’t smell right. “I found this article to be very…weird,” wrote Bobogigiforpresident.

You can kind of tell Bobogigiforpresident was searching for a word because he had to type three dots before the word weird. Typing dots is a giveaway that his brain was Googling around for a word that was proving elusive so he went with the easy out, calling my blog “weird.” Weird is pedestrian, which is oxymoronic.

Cate days: “You’re right. This article is weird. Very weird. I just don’t see the point in it.”

Uberfan went one step further: “This is the most bizarre article I’ve ever read on Swimswam.”

Phelps Swims 200 Breast Rio weighed in with a bizarre comment that sent me to YouTube to understand about whom he was referring: “I think Charles was channeling Jordan Schlansky from Conan when he wrote this.”

Studying Schlansky on video, I have to say that Phelps Swims 200 Breast Rio posted one of the most bizarre and weird comments of all I have read on Swimswam. Jordan doesn’t look anything like me and I’ve never been a guest on “Conan.”

One commenter, EliteSwimmer83, elevated his (or her?) concerns to the top brass at Swimswam. “I’m very curious to know what has happened to the Swimswam editors in recent days. I’ve been reading some CRAZY stuff and it never seems to end.”

Don’t worry, ES. It ended. CRAZINESS is a thing of the past. The Olympic swimming events won’t happen for another four years. We won’t have to deal with any of this for a while. It will be back to business as usual at Swimswam. No more of this madness. I promise.

Lazy

Some commenters expressed disgust about the quality of my reporting and attention to detail. “So is this article based on anything Lochte said, or is it just blind conjecture and rumor mongering?,” Jim asked.

The answer was then, and still is, mostly blind conjecture. I didn’t talk with anyone about any of this so didn’t pick up on any rumors. And by the way, Jim, why isn’t your commenter name Jimswim?

Cate zeroed in on this issue: “OMG you could have said all this with half the copy. I gather ‘succinct’ was something you didn’t learn in school.”

Succinct was not a class offered at my college. There was History. There was blog writing. There was Swimming 101. Being succinct in my writing was something my writer teachers said was a good idea. But during August I was at the beach writing many of these blogs. I kept Jones-ing for a grape snow cone, so I didn’t spend enough time making my blogs more succinct.

Gaglianone’s Boot was also unimpressed with my writing style: “Charles Hartley’s compelling narrative is a list of vague, general questions, strange over-simplifications and an overall argument of ‘I don’t know and I have no opinion.’ “

I don’t know how to defend myself against this accusation, G.B., and even if I did I wouldn’t have an opinion on it. Sorry to be vague. But at least you thought I was compelling.

Counselor

Some commenters played the role of counselors, advising other commenters about my blogs. They were helping other readers understand why I was writing blogs the way I was. I’m glad they sorted this out because I never did. “Ninety percent of the time you can tell a Hartley article by the title,” writes PVSFree. “So just don’t read it.”

Good call, PVSF. But read the comments. I read yours.

Spectatorn also took on an advisory role. “I do not read the article as soon as I see the author’s name (Hartley). But I just check out the comment section as there is more humor in some of the responses.”

Slick move, Spect. Don’t let anyone fool you. Go get the funny.

Gullible

This category of commenters buy into whatever I write and run with it in a way that I can’t tell if they’re serious, or if they can tell whether I’m serious. It’s some serious non-seriousness, which is pointless.

I wrote a blog listing five reasons why Katie Ledecky should go college such as to attend tailgate parties before the school’s football games because they have good food and she can play corn hole.

Wahooswimfan went with me on this: “If she wanted to go for football tailgates, she would have gone to an SEC school.”

She’s right; SEC schools throw rowdier tailgates than Stanford. This is because football is more of a religion in the South than the Pacific Northwest.

My blog noted that Ledecky could take some days off from practicing in the pool and drive a few miles over to the Pacific Ocean for some deep sea training. “Swim in the Pacific,” wrote Wahoosswimfan, “and be eaten by a Great White Shark?”

The chances of Katie being eaten by a Great White Shark are low, because she swims faster than them.

Writers

There are those who trashed my writing. “This article is so badly written it doesn’t even try to convey its intent,” wrote Attila. “This is poorly written…don’t waste my time with this dreck,” wrote Swimguy.

This guy Swimguy sent me to the dictionary to see what dreck means. I don’t remember what because I looked it up several weeks ago and memories fade. But it’s something pretty bad, maybe junk or puke or something gross like that.

Feel free to comment.

This is written by Charles Hartley.