Courtesy of Elizabeth Wickham
As a swim parent, I’ve made my share of mistakes. Through the years, I’ve evolved and hopefully improved. For example, I am not the same swim parent today that I was 10 years ago. I still get nervous at meets, but I no longer compare my kids to other swimmers. I enjoy each moment as a swim parent, knowing that I won’t be in this role forever.
The New Year provides a golden opportunity to reflect on our swim parenting skills. Are we adding to the swim experience—or detracting from it? Here’s my list of 21 New Year’s Resolutions for all swim parents:
1
I will get my swimmer to practice consistently and on time.
2
I will talk positively about the coach and team to other swim parents.
3
I will sign up to volunteer at meets early and often.
4
I will not compare my child’s times with other swimmers.
5
I will not show my frustration when my swimmer has a bad swim.
6
I will cheer, not coach my child.
7
I will reach out to newer swim parents and be a positive role model.
8
I won’t rehash swim performances on the drive home from a meet.
9
I will let my kids mature and take charge of their lives.
10
I promise to not helicopter and hover at practices and meets.
11
I will praise my swimmer for good sportsmanship.
12
I will provide healthy food at meets and at home.
13
I will let my swimmers find their own heats and lanes.
14
I will cheer for other swimmers on our team.
15
I will not use bribery to motivate my child.
16
I will encourage my child’s effort and not focus on performance.
17
I will not engage in gossip on the pool deck.
18
I will not automatically take my child’s side if there’s an issue with the coach or teammates.
19
I will not stand behind the blocks while my child races.
20
I will not impose my goals on my swimmer.
21
I will subscribe to SwimSwam Magazine and read SwimSwam.com to become a better informed swim parent.
What is on your list of New Year’s Resolutions to be a better swim parent?
Elizabeth Wickham volunteered for 14 years on her kids’ club team as board member, fundraiser, newsletter editor and “Mrs. meet manager.” She’s a writer with a bachelor of arts degree in editorial journalism from the University of Washington with a long career in public relations, marketing and advertising. Her stories have appeared in newspapers and magazines including the Los Angeles Times, Orange County Parenting and Ladybug. You can read more parenting tips on her blog.
Thank you for this thoughtful article. However, while I think there are a plethora of articles to help swim parents be the best they can be, I don’t see as many articles that focus on coaches (and maybe that’s my fault). As a swim parent, I have interacted with several coaches over the years. I have met good ones, some who are great listeners, clear and effective communicators and phenomenal motivators. I have also met some who fall short and who, more importantly, do not seem concerned with becoming better. While parents should make sure they behave in a way that supports their swimmer’s growth and maturation as a swimmer and person, coaches should be reminded that they should respect,… Read more »
Look up Eira Parry. British Rowing. A sport parent coach
This list covers so many great things! I’ve been a swammer, a swim parent, a volunteer, a team board member, a conference board member, masters swimmer & now a coach. Elizabeth thank you for your down to earth articles! They are appreciated & I share them often. Being a part of the swim community is a reward. Embracing where you are, where your swimmer is, and enjoying the journey is part of it all. Thanks again!
I’ve got a young one so I would agree w drive them to practice on time and make them pack their own swim kit as my New Years Resolutions. 🙂
Mrs Wickham,
Are you the same writer you were one year ago? If you have improved, how about providing SwimSwam with some updated material to post. Thanks.
Maybe your kids aren’t that good. Or they don’t care and make you think they do.
This advice is like the old adage, but slightly modified, “Parents should be seen not heard”. I have for the most part followed this advice, but I really am not so sure it has served my swimmer well. I had watched my kid’s times stagnate from AA to B times over the course of 2 years with a 3+ practice per week winter program. While I had a speaking relationship with the winter coaches, I did not bring it up with them and there was no analysis and no advice from them. I did have a solid relationship with my summer coach. When pressed, she said it was time for the kid to go to a better swim program/team before… Read more »
I agree with you, it seems that being a good swim parent, in the eyes of some coaches, is a matter of staying out of the way as much as possible, and accepting whatever the coach does without comment. I understand why many coaches feel that way, knowing how disruptive even one parent can be. But this is thoroughly unrealistic, and omits the fallibility of coaches. God gave me these children; the coach is only guiding them in one aspect of their lives.
If your child has dropped from an AA swimmer to a B swimmer, shame on the coaches for not discussing it with your child. You were right to seek out other avenues.
Maybe coaches get too much credit for success and too much blame for failures. Thats my theory just like with the President of the usa. Also I have heard stories of the effort some kids put in at practice and I think it may shock you how little some kids try/train…ex skipping dryland, always sitting on the wall cause they dont feel well or going the bathroom 3x a practice etc. A coach is only going to affect performance by a certain amount so you should be open to the fact that your kid could be swimming close to his capability. If a kid is putting forth real effort and already in the water 5 days a week and swimming… Read more »
Really?? 5x a week and you are whining? Did you ever think (or realize) that it’s a “good” club because your swimmer has to go to practice? And are they forcing you to be on the team? If you don’t want your swimmer to do the work than why swim for a program that expects the work? And what does your swimmer think? Do they want to go to holiday practice? Do they want to go 5 times a week? because if it’s what the swimmer wants, why are you bitching? And if it’s not what the swimmer wants to do why are they doing it? And why are you paying for it? Mrs. Wickham’s post is spot on. It… Read more »